Transgender killer Audrey Hale wrote about her 'imaginary penis' and how she would 'kill' to get puberty blockers in the weeks before her horrific attack on the Covenant School in Nashville last year.
The Tennessee Star obtained some four dozen pages of Hale's writings that shed light on her female-to-male transition and why she shot and killed six people at the elementary school in March 2023.
Hale wrote about anger toward her parents, how she hated her conservative Christian upbringing, and how she had suffered because hormone blockers were not available when she was as a child.
The explosive writings, sometimes referred to as Hale's 'manifesto,' have been a source of controversy, with many accusing officials of keeping them secret because they would hurt the trans community.
Now released, they help explain why the 28-year-old artist, who identified as a male named Aiden, shot her way into the Tennessee school, killing three adults and three nine-year-olds, before responding officers killed her.
Audrey Hale (pictured), 28, was a transgender artist, who identified as a male named Aiden, shot her way into the Tennessee elementary school last March, killing three adults and three nine-year-olds before responding officers killed her
Hale's journal entries begin with the title 'My Imaginary Penis' and include a crude drawing, according to The Star.
'My penis exists in my head. I swear to god I'm a male,' Hale wrote in the papers, which were recovered by police.
She then wrote about her desire to have a penis so she could have sex with a woman, in her assumed identity as Aiden.
She wrote about how using that name on a job application for a delivery position led to issues with the company's background check.
Hale also said that being raised as a girl was 'torture.'
She worried that high school classmates would call her 'dyke or a f*****', she wrote.
That all changed when she learned about transgenderism in her early 20s.
'I finally found the answer — that changing one's gender is possible,' wrote Hale.
But her mom was not on board, Hale wrote.
'What she believes, how she grew up, conservatively, and that LGBTQ — especially transgender — was an enigma, nearly non-existent,' Hale wrote.
She added: 'I hate parental views; how my mom sees me as a daughter — and she'd not bear to want to lose that daughter because a son would be the death of Audrey.'
Hale used violent language when talking about the emergence of puberty blockers in the 2010s.
They were hailed at the time for helping transgender pre-teens safely delay the onset of puberty.
Cops gunned down Hale during her 'carefully planned' attack in which she killed three children and three adults
Hale, pictured ahead of her transition into 'Aiden,' wrote extensively about her mindset and detailed plans to cause terror in a manifesto that has yet to be officially released
'I'd kill to have those resources,' wrote Hale.
'2007 was the birth of puberty blockers and a newfound discovery for treatment of non-conforming transgender children.'
They came too late for Hale, who 'was in the 6th grade, puberty already hit me,' she wrote.
She also discussed fantasizing about having sex as a man by creating scenes with her stuffed animals.
'I can pretend to be them [and] do the things boys do [and] experience my boy self as Tony,' she wrote.
Tony was her 'stuffed boy doll' which she wrote 'is like the boy I am in another form.'
She simulated intercourse between Tony and another soft toy over the course of hours, she wrote.
She even took photos of the scene and lost track of time.
'God, I am such a pervert.' Hale wrote, 'I waste too much time in my fantasies.'
The entry was written just 16 days before Hale dressed in combat gear and launched her deadly raid on the Covenant School,armed with two assault-type guns and a handgun.
Hale also wrote politically charged comments about the rights of gun owners and trans people.
'So now in America, it makes one a criminal to have a gun or, be transgender, or non-binary,' she wrote Hale.
'God, I hate those s***head politicians,' she added.
The papers were recovered from Hale's car, which she left outside the school, and were provided to the Star by a source close to the investigation.
After the shooting, Nashville's Metropolitan Police Chief John Drake said his force had recovered the shooter's manifesto, as well as hand-drawn maps in her car, and said they would eventually be made public.
But both city police and the FBI later said the material shouldn't be released because it could hurt the investigations.
Katherine Koonce, head of school (left), and Mike Hill, a custodian (right) were among those shot dead by Audrey Hale
Substitute teacher Cynthia Peak, 61, known as Cindy, (right, with her daughter Ellie) was one of six people shot and killed
In her twisted manifesto, Hale wrote about targeting children at 'fancy private schools', despite previously attending the Covenant school herself
Hale's disturbing writings worryingly cited 'several times' that she 'could have been caught' prior to her rampage that killed six
The Star and others have been part of a lawsuit seeking to compel the Metro Nashville Police Department (MNPD) and the FBI to release Hale's writings.
The FBI reportedly advised the MNPD not to release them and other 'legacy tokens' in the wake of mass shootings.
The families of Hale's victims subsequently stepped in and become part of a public records lawsuit against the city.
They claimed the killer's estate includes the manifesto and that they therefore own the copyright and can determine whether or not to release it.
Hale's manifesto has long been expected to reveal more detail about the killer's motive.
Last November, three page of notes written by Hale ahead of the shooting were leaked.
The notes revealed Hale's plan to target 'white privileged cr***ers' and 'f****ts,' before turning the gun on herself.
In an entry on the day of the attack, Hale wrote: 'Today is the day. The day has finally come. I can't believe it's here. Don't know how I was able to get this far but here I am.
'I'm a little nervous but excited too, been excited for the past two weeks.'
She then declared: 'I'm ready ... I hope my victims aren't.'
'God let my wrath take over my anxiety. It might be 10 minutes tops. It might be 3-7. It's gonna go quick. I hope I have a high death count. Ready to die,' she wrote, before heading on her way toward Covenant.
She was ultimately shot dead at 10.25am, 14 minutes after she began shooting.
An autopsy revealed Hale's clothing was covered in 'handwritten words, drawings and numbers'.
It's unclear what was written on her clothes.
The shooter also wrote a plastic orange anklet inscribed with the mysterious number '508407.'
Following that leak, seven Nashville police officers were suspended after a probe into how the notes became public.
TIMELINE OF NASHVILLE SCHOOL SHOOTING
9:30am – Metro Police Chief John Drake confirmed that Audrey Hale, 28, left her parents property with a red bag. She was questioned by her mother about the bag but dismissed the question.
9:53am — Hale arrives at the Covenant School in her Honda Fit. She is seen in surveillance footage driving around the parking lot, going out of frame and parking at about 9:55 a.m.
9:57am – Hale sends a goodbye message on Instagram to Averianna Patton. The message said: 'This is my last goodbye. I love you. See you again in another life.' She then responds, telling Hale that she has so much more to live for.
Hale replies again, saying one day, 'this will make more sense' but 'something bad is about to happen.'
10:03am - Averianna Patton calls the suicide prevention hotline to try to report the messages that she has been sent by Hale. They tell her to contact the local sheriff's department.
10:10am – Hale approaches a side entrance to the private Christian school and shoots through the glass doors to gain entry with her two AR-style rifles and a handgun.
10:12am – Patton makes an emotional call to 911 asking them to check on Hale after the disturbing messages. She is told that there is not much officers can do without an address for her.
10:13am – First shots-fired call to 911.
10:14am – Hale walks through a school hallway and walks around the property for several minutes. She then passes the children's ministry before firing shots at 10:21 a.m. and then walking out of the video frame.
10:24am – The first Metro Police officers arrive on the scene, with Officer Englebert unlocking the door and entering the school. The five-member tactical unit enters the school and starts its search for the shooter.
10:27am – The team of officers encounters the shooter on the second-floor atrium. Police said Hale had been firing through a window at arriving officers. Englebert, alongside Officer Michael Collazo, shot and killed Hale.
