RD.COM Humor Jokes
ByJulia K. Porter
Updated: Feb. 09, 2024
No kidding: You're going to love this cheesy collection of puns and one-liners—they're ideal for celebrating National Tell a Joke Day on August 16.
1/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer, bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve food here.” For even more laughs, check out the funniest jokes of all time that you’ll want to share with everyone you know.
2/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse. It’s okay, we all laugh at bad jokes—they’re actually hilarious!
3/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh. These are the 20 grammar corny jokes every word nerd will appreciate.
4/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator. If you thought this was funny, you’ll love these other hilarious what do you call jokes.
5/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. Find the funniest joke ever with these daily life jokes you’ll want to share.
6/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?” The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!” Don’t forget to read these funny tweets for more laughs.
7/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match. Here are some short jokes for kids that anyone can remember—and they’re pretty funny!
8/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless. Don’t think that’s the funniest joke ever? These are the one-liners we know you’ll love.
9/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment. Here are more “what’s the difference between” jokes guaranteed to make you laugh.
10/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes. Thought that was good? These plant puns will knock your stalks off.
11/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
After a crime, a detective noted that he thought it was foul play. The other detective said, “You mean, he was playing with birds?”
12/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What’s brown and sticky? A stick. Need more laughs? These Laffy Taffy jokes will sweeten your day.
13/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What did the policeman say to his bellybutton? You’re under a vest.
14/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage? Because every play has a cast.
GetReader’s Digest‘sRead Up newsletterfor humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long.
15/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. Here are some pig puns that are sure to make you snort.
16/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.
17/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
18/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
19/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.
20/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes. Check out these biology jokes that really cell themselves.
21/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
22/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
23/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes. Find the funniest joke for your Christmas party with these holiday jokes.
24/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin.
25/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef! If your funny bone still needs tickling,here are the top jokes from comedy legends.
26/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta.
27/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.
28/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
29/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi. Memorize these short corny jokes to be the hit at your next party.
30/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why did the farmer win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
31/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.
32/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
33/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot
34/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing…It just waved. These clever jokes will make you sound smart.
35/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.
36/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
37/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What do you call a factory that sells good products? A satisfactory.
39/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs. Don’t forget to check out our other hilarious cow jokes!
40/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors it would be called a chicken sedan.
41/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore. If you thought that was good, check out these other hilarious dinosaur jokes.
42/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain. These cat memes will make you laugh every time.
43/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
44/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
45/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? No? Really? It’s making headlines! These hilarious dog puns will give you paws.
46/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.
47/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
How does a duck buy lipstick? She just puts it on her bill. Check out more duck jokes that’ll quack you up.
48/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why are frogs are so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
49/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.
50/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc already. Check out the funniest jokes about all 50 states.
51/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
52/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
What runs but never goes anywhere? A refrigerator.
53/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
What do horses say when they fall? Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up. You’ll laugh out loud at these other corny jokes about animals.
54/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
An apple a day really can keep the doctor away … but only if you aim it well. Keep the laughs coming with these hilarious fruit puns.
55/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Why can’t you trust duck doctors? They’re all quacks. Memorize these other hilarious animal puns.
56/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
57/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
What did the elevator say when it sneezed? I think I’m coming down with something.
58/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
What do you call shoes made of banana peels? Slippers.
59/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Why did the bicycle collapse? It was two tired.
60/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
61/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.
62/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning? It was a vicious cycle. Science takes on new meanings in these 16 hilarious physics jokes.
63/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Why did the poor man stock up on yeast? To make some dough.
64/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
What does corn say when you give it a compliment? Aw shucks! Here are more of our favorite corny jokes.
 | Want even more jokes? Enjoy 100 Years of our best jokes, stories, riddles and cartoons in the all-new, side-splitting collection, Laughter, the Best Medicine 2023. |
65/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Why were the fish’s grades so bad? It was below sea level. These are the 36 best math jokes every nerd will appreciate.
66/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Why wouldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino? He was on a roll.
67/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
What kind of shoes do burglars wear? Sneakers.
68/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe. Try not to choke laughing at these food jokes to share at the table.
69/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up, just like these egg puns will crack you up.
70/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
71/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Never buy anything with Velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
72/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it. Learn the secrets to telling a great joke.
73/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was fine—he woke up. You won’t be able to help but laugh at these 21 anti-jokes that are so unfunny that they’re funny.
74/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
What do lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits. Need more laughs? These work from home jokes will do the trick.
75/85
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com
When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
76/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
A termite walks into the bar and asks, ”Isthe bar tender here?”
77/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.He told me to stop going to those places.
78/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What’s the best way to burn 1000 calories?Leave the pizza in the oven.
79/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
Why are the Irish so wealthy?Because their capital is always Dublin.These puns will become your new favorite corny jokes.
80/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What has more lives than a cat?A frog, because it croaks every night.
81/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?A father-in-law.
82/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
It’s not hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere.
83/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my right hand.
84/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
85/85
Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.If you love these corny jokes, try some of these cartoons about family life that will make yours seem less crazy.
Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Reader’s Digest runs it.
Originally Published: August 12, 2019
Author
Julia K. Porter
Dr. Julia Porter has worked in Higher Education since 2008, following a career as a High School teacher in Brooklyn, NY. She holds a PhD in Global Leadership from Indiana Tech, an MA in English Literature from Brooklyn College, and a BS in English Education from Indiana University-Purdue University-Indianapolis (IUPUI). She lives in Indiana with he...
Read More
